I’m disappointed in myself.  My BU went through a structural re-org last year; new leadership did not work effectively together, decisions were made and frequently reversed, and team culture suffered. My role was poorly defined under the new structure; I was squeezed out and left without meaningful work or purpose.  My confidence was squashed by my manager’s nit-picking, double-standards and micro-managing.  1:1s were an exercise in degradation.

I’m disappointed in how I reacted to this situation.  I became passive.  I allowed myself to be disempowered and pushed out.  This is on me. I didn’t speak up when I saw myself being squeezed out.  I didn’t speak up when I saw others struggling under the new structure.  I knew what needed to happen to fix things but I sat on the sidelines and watched the train wreck happen.

I subverted my own character and values by allowing myself to be passive.  The old me was a smart person with strong ideas.  She was proactive, moved mountains and got sh*t done.  She wasn’t afraid to bruise egos or step on toes for the greater good.  She looked out for people.  She had a sharp sense of humour and was quick with the come-backs.  Sometimes she even railed people up for fun….

I’ve seen what stepping back has resulted in both professionally and personally.  It’s soul destroying.  I’m not tolerating poor behavior anymore from my manager, my employer, and most importantly, from myself.  I’m empowering myself to be the person I used to be.  Sideways Trajectory is my voice to share my experiences, learnings and thoughts along the way.

Someone I consider a mentor recently said, “Rise up again.  It may not help the situation much but it will help you.  Just remember who you are – you’re a decent person.”

Photo: A snippet from artwork produced by my niece when she was about 2.5 years old.